Double Standards

    Why don't we practice what we preach? Why do the things that apply to our peers not apply to us in the same manner? Why is okay for us to do something, but not for others? Or vice versa, why is okay for some people to live a certain lifestyle, but not us? What I'm getting at is an issue that has been a hot topic in my circle of friends for quite some time now. Why is okay for my best friend to be gay, but not me? A double standard I hold for myself.

    I have plenty of friends who are homosexual and of course I treat them no differently from anyone else, I am me no matter who I am around. I have never had one of my friends ask me my opinion of their lifestyle until recently, when one of my friends, who has been struggling with their sexual identity for some time, came out to me. I could tell there was something that was bothering them for a while so one day I sat them down and asked them what it was. My friend burst into tears and let out all of the feelings they had been keeping inside of them for a very long time. The thing I found strange was that, although they were crying because they were afraid to admit it to their other peers and family, they were crying mostly because they knew that the feelings they were having were wrong. I told my friend not to cry because they couldn't help the way they felt and that they weren't wrong for feeling this way, because in my opinion being gay is not a choice or a decision, it's simply the way you are born and you can either ignore the feelings you have to fit in with the "norm", or embrace your inner self and be you regardless of what other people think. Then my friend said they believed all of that, but the way they were raised led them to believe that it was a sin, and they did not want to be punished and go to hell for something they could not control. I thought for a minute. Yes the Bible does say that any man who lay with another man is committing a sin, but to me no sin carries any weight, and if God can forgive us for stealing, lying, cheating, and disobeying our parents, which are all things we can control, then He has to be able to forgive us for things we cannot control, like our feelings. I told my friend this and it cheered them up a bit, and they said they wanted to believe that but it was still hard. They asked me was it wrong to interpret the Lord's word to make them feel better about their lifestyle, and I said no not necessarily, but how can you go your whole life hiding behind a mask because you are afraid you are going to be punished when you die? I then commended my friend for fearing God more than their peers, and said, God loves all of His children, including the ones that go astray from His word, that means you, not because you are gay but because you are not perfect, nether am I!

My friend seemed to be feeling better now, and then told me how all of this came about. They said that over the previous summer something happened between them and another one of our friends of the same sex and that it confirmed the fact that they were gay, but the third party was not gay, and had never had any type of thoughts for individuals of the same sex. The incident to them was merely something that just happened, they could not explain it. Regardless of how either of them felt, the "thing" that happened between them continued and both of them developed feelings for each other, however my friend's feelings were much deeper than our hetero friend's feelings. My friend said that they had had a conversation similar to the one we had when they first came out to the other person, and that they too had reassured them that what they were feeling wasn't wrong, and my friend said that they then asked them, "well if this isn't wrong, why won't you be in a relationship with me?" The third party individual would always say, "I love you, but I'm not gay", which I would find very confusing if I were in the situation. How can you say you love some one of the same sex, and proceed to engage in sexual acts with them but say you are not gay? I kind of understand, but at the same time, it's just crazy. So my friend tells me that they had asked again recently as a joke and the other person came back with a remark that offended them, even though they were joking. So my friend asked if they really felt that way and they said no, then my friend asked, "then am I wasting my time pursuing you?" and our other friend responded "No, I mean I don't know, I don't think I'll ever be gay though". So my friend then says "I'm not asking you to be, I'm just asking you to want me the way I want you." Then they responded, "how can I if I'm not gay and I don't have the same interests? I mean I do want you, but it's wrong?" This last comment is what caught my friend off guard; "I do…but it's wrong". My friend wondered why it was that this person was the first one to tell them that the way they were feeling was not wrong, yet when it came to them personally, it was wrong and it prevented them from committing to a relationship. This too would make me wonder, if it were me, would I feel the same way? Would I tell myself all the things I had just told my friend? Then my friend actually asked me, would you feel the same way if you were in my position?

    I had to sit back and really think about this question. Would I be ok with being gay, knowing that it's a sin but believing everything that I had just said to my best friend? That's a question that would catch many people off guard, and a question I cannot say I have a sure answer for. I told my friend yes, even though I'm not completely positive I would.